Welcome back to the Sparkleball Rainbowacy, where I sleepily write out chapters like a sloth on codeine. Last time, Crystal Meth was crowned heir, Jenna died, and a bunch of pets took the last walk to the Rainbow Bridge.
We are getting new gnomes since the move. I'm forgetting the names, but I think this is Vladimir Putin guarding the fridge.
VP Gnome - NO FOOD FOR YOU, ONLY VODKA
Well, I wouldn't be complaining. Because I'd already have alcohol poisoning. HAHAHA alcoholism is HILARIOUS
JK...I'm not an alcoholic. Like I need another reason to sleep all day.
Eggplant still likes to haunt the bathroom. All of the cats just rise up from their urns to sleep on things.
Oh. This was not something I knew that gnomes could do.
Kim Jung-Un gnome - Hehehe, I'm a trophy.
And because no legacy chapter is complete without crippling agony, Winter died.
Crystal Meth - WAAAAH MY MOMMY'S DEAD--ooh, lovely incense =D
Death still doesn't know what the term "overkill" means.
Winter - Are you trying to stake me or put me on a kabab, Grimmy?
Death - Shaddup and get in your urn!
The cats weren't taking it well.
Zola - Everything is death.
Green Bean - I get up from a nap to see my grandma's ghost and the food giver dying in the living room. This family's weird.
Death - Eurrrgh, that is a REVOLTING chair, dear.
Crystal Meth - MY LAST REMAINING PARENT JUST DIED AND I'M THE ONLY HUMAN/FAIRY SIM IN THE HOUSE WAAAAAH
Death - I should get those vacation photos developed from Malibu.
And then Death and Crystal Meth played a game of foosball.
That above sentence sounds like a Panic! at the Disco song title.
Oh, Jenna's up for a haunt. What's she gonna do...
She appears to be making mac n cheese.
THEN SHE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO HER URN IN THE MIDDLE OF COOKING.
JENNA.
WHAT THE FUCK.
OMG I AM HAVING A SERIES OF HEART ATTACKS
Oh, it's out.
NO THANKS TO YOU, FIREMAN. Crystal Meth had to extinguish it herself.
Then he glitched and stayed routed for hours until I had to reset him.
Crystal Meth - Do all these gnomes come from the stars?
Crystal Meth - That's no gnome.
Crystal Meth - AHHHHHHH NOOOOOO. I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE PROBED (at least, con-sensually)
o.O
Then she came back naked.
Nope, no alien babies for us.
Who the eff...
We accepted and he never showed up. Well then.
Green Bean's becoming an adult...for some reason, even though he was born in one litter with his brother, Grinch, their birthdays are a day apart...
And then I never changed their coat colors because I'm lazy.
Oh, we got an evil gnome in the mail!
I named it Roy Moore.
I took Crystal Meth to France (another phrase that sounds like a Panic! at the Disco song) and we meet Albert!
The attraction coding in the game tells me that they are compatible.
Albert - 'ow dare you zheenk of moi as a mere ladybird to fondle!
And we find out he's a bit kooky.
I like him.
Grinch grew up.
I also didn't change his fur colors. Soooooo lazy.
Eggplant still rules the cat tower as a ghost.
E - Cat aristocracy is eternal.
Hush.
Winter haunts...and just sits in the rocking chair. How boring. At least Jenna annoyed me with fire.
Because she cares.
I miss her.
For some reason, this townie was zombie walking without the zombie effect.
Not Zombie - I just took too many bath salts and fell in the lake.
Not Zombie - I must go, my people need me.
Regretting buying that trampoline now...
I wanted a gnome family, so I did some irreversible transfiguration with the display case.
Meet Joe Biden!
Why do you keep setting fire to yourself?
Crystal Meth - I THOUGHT FLAME FRUIT JUICE PREVENTED THIS
Roy Moore - Hehehehehe...
Even as a gnome, you can't keep your hands to yourself.
Febreeze - I still exist.
Indeed, he does.
And the doggo gets old.
Sad face.
We go ahead and invite Albert from France.
Away from his wife.
Crystal Meth is a homewrecker.
...
=D
Crystal Meth - So, how bout you move into the legacy house, fam?
Then she glitched out. Smited by the karma gods, possibly.
*smacks computer*
Speaking of karma...
Estelle's not happy with us AT ALL.
CM - Before I was sent to oblivion, would you like to move in with me?
Albert - Uh, can my wife move in?
CM - No, you're my chosen sperm donor. See your signature here? *brandishes paper*
Albert - That's a receipt from that dinner we had in Paris...
CM - Well, seems, I'm going to have to romance you, huh?
CM - Would you care for some flowers?
Albert - Why do zees les fleurs smell like Chloroform? And why do I feel...dizzy...
Albert - Hon hon hon, ma cherie, zut alors!
CM - Yeah, yeah, baguettes and stinky cheese, kiss me already!
*record scratch*
Townie - Oh, have I got a new blog post now...
CM - Yeah, I'm gonna need you to break up with Estelle.
Albert - But...she will be so torn.
CM - Believe me, these are not just my actions. I have a sadistic puppet master controlling me.
SHHHHHH
MOVE YOUR ASS TOWNIE BITCH
We have been getting calls from his pissed off wife.
Do I care? Nope.
Um.
Fractions much?
And so Albert joins the family by repairing the shower.
Kidding. He's being a sulking prude and I punished him with a makeover and home repair.
The gnomes are invading the garden...
Roy Moore gnome - This pumpkin is so alluringly robust and ripe.
Thought you liked them un-ripe.
Pedophilia jokes. That's what I've devolved to.
Jenna's up again. Please don't set the house on fire again.
Winter - Dammit, how's a ghost supposed to smash when the only double bed is locked off?
Crystal Meth still sucks at traps.
Do nawt taost your Krystawl M3th...it does not halp them grooooow...
We got a souvenir Napolean gnome. His name is Emmanuel. Because...French politics.
Also, we have a nectar machine! Albert's almost at the top of the Nectar skill and I've never really played with Nectar making that much.
Sapphire - Wait, why are we back here?
The four spares from the Blue generation were homeless so I gave them each houses. MAKE BABIES, YOU BLUE BITCHES
Apparently, Albert learned enough recipes to top his LTW.
Yeah, I totally...worked hard on that. >___>
We had to ask Albert to break up with Estelle again because he was rejecting our advances.
YOU WILL BECOME SPOUSE.
And we even got our first kiss. Awwww...
So, we made them Go Steady before Estelle could poke her bony ass in again. She actually moved into the main town from France.
Do I feel guilt? Not much, no.
You can't really tell from this photo, but Jenna's actually levitating a chair.
Why are my ghosts day-haunting...
Crystal Meth - Hear my loins? They sing for you...
That's your phone.
CM - Dammit, quit COCKBLOCKING
Male sims don't even have penises...=P unless you want to delve into the seedier mod communities.
Also, fun little story. When I went to community college, a student actually convinced the teacher that cockblocking was an archaic term for stealing someone's crush.
Yeah, I couldn't get too excited. Turns out, Barry's a bit of a player.
And then there was a Woohoo.
CM - Now my loins are REALLY singing!
TMI.
MOAR gnomes. What'd I name this one? I think maybe Newt Gingrich.
I don't particularly like having ghosts haunting all the time because sims will loop out of their queues just to sneer at the ghosts.
Albert - Cette chaise est hideuse!
Jenna - Don't think I don't see you two canoodling without wedding rings.
CM - Says my gay mother.
Jenna - ...I knew I raised you well.
Awww...now I has a sad.
Eggplant sleeps in the detested chair.
E - Well, I am the one who scratched it up.
Albert and Crystal Meth don't have to work since I get funds from mainly cats and dogs hunting. But still I got him to work as a Nectar Maker and Crystal Meth to be an Inventor.
Where'd all these dog gnomes come from?
Roy Moore gnome - Say, Biden. Did you ever have a chance with Mrs. Obama?
Joe Biden gnome - ...right, I'm spawning next to the pool.
Febreeze - I'm mad that I was bumped down to guest star!
Chew on the mail-woman later, I need you to collect gems.
...I shouldn't name things.
Crystal Meth - Indeed.
CM - You know how tiring it is making "oh, dat ass is on FIRE" jokes?
Less jokes, more extinguishing!
I didn't receive a notification of a birth, but maybe I wasn't paying attention.
Oh, evidently, we have some lesbians! YAY!
Here's Albert's traits and such BTW. Well rounded and he likes BLUE.
How many frickin' gnomes do I have now?
Meet Ivanka Trump.
Um...you can sleep in your bed, you know.
WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS PICTURE
From the looks of it, it's Vladimir Putin (dog) and Joe Biden gnome
VP gnome - GIVE ME CANADA, DADDY. I'LL DO ANYTHING
NOOOOOOOO, THERE WILL NO POLITICAL GNOME PORN
JENNA
I KNOW it wasn't Albert, because he has EIGHT COOKING POINTS. And Crystal Meth just ran in to yell at the fire.
The fire was spreading faster than she could put it out...
And the blasted fireman wasn't any help.
Fireman - Hey, I'm SUPERVISING...oh, yeah. Ouch, that's fire
YOU ARE USELESS
Fireman - Oh, yeah. Who da man?
=__=
The stress then caused Albert and Crystal Meth to merge.
Albert - Um, ma cherie, your torso's in my rib cage. Oooh, boobies =D
CM - ALBERT
Fireman, come back! We need the jaws of life!
This is turning into a gnome cult.
Gnomes - WE ARE LEGION
STOP IT
Crystal Meth invents the Harvester, so the gardening can be a little less time-consuming.
WHAT
A zombie on the lot just died. Uh, re-died?
Bryant, Brett, something with a B - I thought my life's end would be more jubilant. I would be surrounded by family and friends--
Death - Blah, blah, blah, hurry up, I'm on a schedule.
ALBERT, YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HIM
Albert - C'est la vie =(
Bernard - Please, death! I'll do penance, take the grandkids to ballet, quit doing unsightly things to gardening hoses, PLEASE
Death - They don't pay me enough virgins for this.
Winter, if you set the fucking stove ablaze like your wife, I swear!
NEWT GINGRICH, QUIT BLOCKING THE FRIDGE
Newt Gingrich - Restore the oligarchy!
Ooh, drill machine. =D
Shiny...
That's confusingly written...
WAIT NO
HOW IS IT ALREADY TIME FOR FEBREEZE TO DIE
Death - Awful blue chair. We meet again.
Death - You did good, doggo.
DAMMIT QUIT MAKING ME CRY
Febreeze lived a drastically short life I feel, but he was still a good pup. I will miss him.
Albert - Yes, we need a new doggo, stat!
Everyone meet Indigo!
Indigo - I sleepy. Can I has sleeps nao?
Awwww...
Smurf is old. I guess he is Papa Smurf now.
Smurf - Not funny.
CM - My love, the apple of my eye, the budding bloom of my cherry tree, marry me and give me Green babies!
Albert - Oh, ma cherie, of course, I will marry you!
Ah, good. The brainwashing worked. >=D
Good memories all around.
TIME FOR A WEDDING PARTY
Blue Suede shows up first to the festivities. I wish I could say that the family had strong ties and Crystal Meth is very close with her sisters. But since most of them had antisocial personalities, they are mere acquaintances.
MOVE OVER TOWNIE BITCH
Sapphire - Right, I'm bored. Where's the keg?
It was a beautiful ceremony.
Sapphire - I say we push the groom into the pool and make off with the insurance.
SHUT UP, YOU BITTER COW
Oh, what a perfect song for this wedding. "Lost in Paradise" by Evanescence.
I feel that might have said too much about my personality...
Awwww...
Rose.
I know where you live.
Don't make me meteor bomb your ass.
CM - So, I have this itch and I can't quite get it myself.
Albert: Oh, is that so, ma cherie? Perhaps I can be of assistance...
CM - OH YES, SCRATCH IT HARDER
O___O
CM - Oh, oui oui, you filled--
NOOOOOOOPE.
NO BANNED4LYFE FRENCH CUISINE JOKES.
Also, I heard a lullaby. YAY =D
Trying to juice up our funds so I can build a new house for the Green gen. If this stupid display table would give me more Rainbow Gem Skulls and not more effing gnomes!
What? Pets being civilized?!
Smurf - You are a weirdly shaped cat.
Indigo - I is a pupper.
For those confused on my naming scheme, since Green Bean and Grinch were Melancholy and Smurf's litter, they would be more appropriately part of the Green generation. Or at least that makes sense with my tainted logic.
Deshawn is quickly turning into the town's Don Lothario. Cause I could have sworn he was with two of the Sparkleball spares at a time.
WUT
So, Albert's ex-wife got zombied on a full moon and is eating our fruit trees!
Estelle - I'LL EAT YOUR APPLE TREES LIKE YOU ATE MY HEART AND SPIT IT OUT
Luckily I reset her before she could destroy my garden.
Indigo - BORK BORK where is moms?
You are entirely too innocent to be apart of this household.
And Crystal Meth's pregnant ass broke the shower/bath outhouse.
Green baby makeover!
Oh, evidently Crystal Meth wants to make amends with Estelle.
BOOO
I did. I just made them acquaintances.
Kellan - Don't you twats fookin' forget about me!
Always charming, even in death.
Smurf - Is the human being inflated like balloon?
CM - Sure feels like it.
CM - OH GOD THINGS ARE RIPPING
FIRST BABY OF THE GREEN GENERATION
*dances*
Vert is French for "green". It's pronounced like "vair".
Evidently the gnomes also had a kid.
Meet Steve Bannon.
You'll see that Vert doesn't have wings. Good, I was getting tired of fairy traps anyway. I randomized his traits and he's a Friendly Heavy Sleeper.
And then I grew him up because babies are boring.
Has his mother's eyes, dad's hair, and what's looking like his dad's nose.
Horndogs.
Vert is cute.
Roy Moore gnome bullying an aged gnome.
Oh, it's Ivanka Trump. This makes it even more inappropriate.
Indigo - I are big doggo nao. BORK
Albert also grew to Adult.
Oh, goodie gum drops.
"I'M GONNA BUILD A BOAT"
Jenna...how's it going. Have you met your grandchild?
Jenna - I'm brimming with pride. ...nope, that's gas.
Ewww...
Why can't you just keep the maternity clothes I edit for you? >=(
OH LOOK
NEW HOUSE
DOWNSTAIRS
UPSTAIRS
Hello, MTV, welcome to my crib. Remember when MTV actually had music and celebrities and not just pregnant bitches and catfishing douchebags? Pepperidge Farm remembers...
Here is the front door. It is where the sims enter and escape leave.
This is a hallway.
It functions as a hallway.
Here's the living room. Living happens here. But also death, because the ghosts bogart the rocking chairs.
Kitchen, where the sims eat and try to incinerate themselves.
Dining room, that rarely gets used because sims like to watch TV while they eat.
Not that I blame them.
One bathroom...
Another hallway with a staircase to BEYOND.
Kidding, it leads to the basement. WITH THE BODIES
The nursery...
Laundry room...
Because sims WANT to do laundry. Fucking weird losers.
Let's go downstairs...
The basement is actually four levels down, but I used Level Skip object things in buydebug. HAX
Here's the nectar racks...
The huge ass display thing for transfiguration...
The menacing doors lead to the mausoleum.
I tried to make it spooky with black lights, but it just looks like a vampire night club.
Back up to the first floor, let's head up the stairs...
More hallways...
Through this door, we have...
Crystal Meth's and Albert's bedroom.
With their own bathroom...
Through the other door, there's...
Family bathroom.
Going down another hallway...
Some exercise equipment and...
An indoor garden plot! Because outdoor gardens get tedious because spring doesn't fucking know when to freeze or thaw plants to be tended or not.
Bedroom for future kids...
And a nectar machine room!
And a big room for more beds...
Here's Crystal Meth's Inventing station...
I didn't forget the gnomes!
Also got Crystal Meth an MM because I would like my sims to do things other than constantly making up for the exhaustion that is raising kids...
Speaking of which!
Midori is Japanese for...guess...GREEN.
An eccentric loner?
Hopefully won't be a sociopath like Aunt Sapphire...
CM - NOOBOO!
CM - Okay, I want a refund.
God knows what the gnomes are doing anymore...
Barry's a creep. I wonder if he's met Sapphire...
I have no idea why my sims aren't producing kids. If someone does know, PLEASE TELL ME. Nrass, why you do dis D=
We teach Vert to walk and talk!
Febreeze likes the new house.
F - Where's the blue chair? That was my favorite chair to rub my butt on.
I'm glad it's gone then.
This chapter's getting freaking long so let's cut it here. Next time, babies, nectar, gnome activity, and some more inventing? See you soon!
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